Closure
by D-Ro2593
Summary: Post DA2. Marian Hawke is damaged. By Kirkwall, her ex-lover, Templars, Mages, and life in general. She disappeared for quite some time after Anders started a war she never wanted but she is finally ready to rejoin Thedas. But first she needs to close the chapter on her past before she can move forward. To do so, she needs the help of the only family she has left.


Dragon Age - Closure - Ch. 1

F!Hawke, post DA2

-o0o-

Chapter 1 - A Champion's Lament

-o0o-

Marian Hawke was all alone.

Partly by her own choice, the Champion of Kirkwall solemnly walked along Ferelden's Imperial Highway. A remnant of the Tevinter Imperium's once mighty empire, the highway stretched the entire breadth of Ferelden. It was the quickest way to get anywhere in the country as well as the best place for one to hide in plain sight. If you have no problems with hunting your own food and drink from the ample forests and streams that line Fereldan's countryside, camping under the stars when you feel the need to rest, and are able to defend yourself from the myriad of bandits and cut-throats who also frequent the roads, then there was no place safer than the Imperial Highway. No one questions or even notices a single solitary figure shrouded in a heavy hooded cloak silently walking along. To the random passerby, the mighty Champion of Kirkwall looked like a simple wanderer on the highway. Which, in all honesty, she was...just a wanderer with a very storied past.

Marian had led a very interesting life for the past decade or so. First serving in Ferelden's Royal Army for a number of years before being a participant in the fabled Battle of Ostagar. Ostagar where the darkspawn horde wiped out more than half of the Royal army along with Ferelden's King and all but two of the Grey Wardens stationed in the entire country. It was irrefutable proof that Thedas was facing a true Blight and not just a large raid as King Cailan believed.

In a way, Marian was overjoyed to be walking once more in the land of her birth, but she was less enthused regarding the reasons why she came back to Ferelden. It has been eight, nearing on nine years since she fled Lothering after the Battle of Ostagar with her family in tow. Eight years that simultaneously passed quickly and with an incredible slowness.

After Ostagar, Marian had fled to the city of Kirkwall in the Free Marches. It was the birthplace of her mother where she was told they could find noble family with enough coin to keep the Templars off her apostate sister, Bethany. In the fleeing, the Hawkes lost one of their number as Bethany's twin brother Carver was smashed into a barely recognizable pulp by an errant ogre outside of Lothering. In a fit of rage, Marian had leapt onto the ogre's chest and buried her twin daggers in the beast's skull with a vicious twist - the first of what were soon to be a legendary list of accomplishments.

Wracked with grief over their dead brother and son, the Hawkes somehow found a way to Gwaren with the timely help of a female warrior named Aveline Vallen who was also fleeing the disaster at Ostagar and an infamous apostate by the name of Flemeth. Upon arrival in the Kirkwall harbor, Hawke was refused admission into the city-state. She would have to pledge herself and her sister into servitude for a year just to get into the city. A city that didn't even want her.

Imagine that. After everything that she would go on to do for Kirkwall, she wasn't welcome at first. But that, like so many other things, is in the past. Once Hawke got into Kirkwall, events happened quickly.

The entire tale of her stay in Kirkwall is the stuff of legends and would be much better told by her trusty dwarven companion, Varric Tethras. The quick version is that she gathered coin and companions for a venture into the Deep Roads that made her filthy rich, though at the cost of her little sister. Darkspawn taint and no cure would have forced Hawke to have to put her dear sister to a merciful death. Luckily for them all, there was a Grey Warden patrol nearby that allowed Bethany's life to be saved. However, being a Grey Warden is a calling, not a cure. As such, Bethany was forever lost to Hawke through her newfound duties as a Warden. Not to mention the fact that Bethany was bitter as a life endlessly fighting Darkspawn is not the type of life she ever wanted.

She would then become embroiled in the issue with the Qunari in Kirkwall after gaining the attention of their Arishok. From what she could tell, he was the leader of their military might and commanded a great deal of respect and power. Hawke had multiple dealings with the giant and likes to think that she earned his respect despite the vast differences in culture and ideologies between them. Whether she did or didn't is irrelevant as the Qunari finally became fed up with the sea of corruption and greed that was Kirkwall and attempted to conquer the city-state to reeducate them in the ways of the Qun.

Hawke was the only one the Qunari regarded with anything approaching respect and as such, they allowed her the opportunity to save Kirkwall and her companion who inadvertently caused the conflict. Through one on one combat with the Arishok. That had been one of the most difficult battles of her life and Hawke still thanks the Maker for getting her out of that fight in one piece. But the fact remains that she was victorious and Marian Hawke single handedly defeated the strongest Qunari warrior alive. The remaining Qunari kept to their word and left Kirkwall never to return again. As a result of her incomparable service to the city, Hawke was named the Champion of Kirkwall - an impressive and weighty title that had not been used in over a century. Fat lot of good that gave her.

All that title did was make everybody in that blasted city come to her with all their problems. With the Qunari gone the city moved onto their next problem which was the issue of the mages. First Enchanter Orsino wanted absolute mage freedom and Knight-Commander Meredith had been treating the mages under her care far more harshly than they deserved. Both wanted the Champion's support and constantly sought her advice despite the fact that she had no official power.

When Hawke actually tried to give her advice to the bickering fools, however, they both started getting pissy because she would support neither of them. Mages were too powerful and prone to demonic possession and temptation to be left completely alone and the Templars under Meredith were too harsh with the Circle being proven ineffective time and time again. As much as she sympathized with the mages considering her family history and childhood, Hawke also understands the danger of rogue mages from her many exploits around Kirkwall. Most notably, that whole mess with Corryphyus and then that bastard Quentin. Instead, Hawke came up with a middle ground of her own that loosened the noose around the necks of mages but still ensures that they're watched and educated properly. She was rather proud of her plan and had drafted a detailed written report of it. Much like Anders and his manifesto. Unfortunately, Hawke never got to use it.

It was all that bastard's fault. That damn Anders! Why could he not control himself? Why did he let that spirit twist him into that...creature? He had to have truly been an abomination because it was not her friend who turned on her so. Not her...lover...who destroyed what tenuous peace they had for no goddamn reason other than the fucking voices in his head!

That man is the source of Hawke's greatest regret and is the reason she wanders aimlessly. When he blew up the Chantry, everyone overreacted. Meredith decided to annul Kirkwall's Circle in a fit of righteous rage and the mages decided to finally give the Templars the blood magic and demons they so desperately feared. It was chaos. Mages fled in every direction and the Templars attacked anything that moved. Hawke had tried to protect the innocent mages as best as she could but mage after bloody mage kept turning to blood magic out of desperation until there were demons flooding the streets. She had no choice but to support the Templars lest they all be torn down by abominations and demons like her mother.

But then Anders showed up.

Hawke could not find it in her to kill him immediately after he blew up the Chantry. Not after all they had shared together. He had shared her home and her bed for well over three years and this was how he repaid her? Not with flowers and kittens and all that other garbage, but with rampant death and zealotry? Hawke had forgiven Anders for many things over the years, but she could not possibly forgive this. It was the last straw. Out of the vestiges of the love she had once felt for him, Hawke let the damn man walk away.

She should have killed him on the spot. It was the right thing to do. She would have been completely justified doing so and her blood screamed for her to end his wretched, miserable existence. But she couldn't do it. Her heart screamed louder than her mind and Hawke could not kill him. No matter how much she wanted to. Instead, she told him to run. To leave Kirkwall and never darken her doorstep with his presence again. Hawke promised him that if they were to ever meet again that she would kill him where he stood, no questions asked. Hawke was known to always keep her promises so Anders left with a sad look on his face. As if he deserved the right to be sad!

Most of her companions understood her decision and her grief. A few others also clamored for Anders' blood or demanded that he stay to help right the wrong he created but Hawke could not stand to be in his presence any longer. Besides, she had a city full of crazed mages and Templars to bring to heel. She could not afford to be burdened by her feelings. Not yet.

But then Anders had to come back. That self-righteous asshole had to come back and berate her for siding with the Templars. What did he expect her to do? Fight with the demons and abominations running the streets?! He must've been completely insane or he didn't know Hawke as well as she thought he did to even say something like that. She tried to give him a chance. One last chance born out of the love they shared...but he squandered it. Hawke was forced to keep her word.

She slew Anders right then and there. Buried her daggers deep into his heart and watched the light - both his and Vengeance's - leave his eyes. It was satisfying to have justice served, yet not at the same time.

Anders' death came to her at a cost. Something...broke within her when he fell lifelessly to the floor. With each drop of blood that spilled from his chest, Hawke felt a small part of herself ebb away. She had cared so much about Kirkwall since it became her home. Always trying to make it better when she honestly didn't have to. Often times at great personal cost. But now, she no longer cared. About the mages, the templars...Bloody Kirkwall, she just didn't care anymore. She would fix this last mess and then would be gone. Alone. She had to get away...it simply would hurt too much to stay. Kirkwall took too much from her and she knew now that it was pointless to try and fix it. It would never change.

The moment both Orsino and Meredith were dead, Hawke left. She didn't bring any of her companions or possessions other than her coin, weapons and armor. The majority of her fortune was left in her estate but she brought enough to not have to work if she chose not to. Disillusioned by her life and wracked by grief she was, but stupid and impractical, she was not. Armed to the teeth with several large and inconspicuous coin purses and a thick hooded cloak, Marian Hawke simply vanished off the face of Thedas. Which, of course, brings us to the here and now.

Hawke had wandered the Free Marches for a time before boarding a ship back to Ferelden out of Tantervale. She took her time wandering the land, taking no horse or ferry. Walking solely on foot, Hawke saw first hand all of the unrest that Anders' actions had caused. Every Circle of Magi had rebelled it seemed and there was rampant fighting everywhere. Templars hunted the rebel mages who fought back with conventional magic until they were nearly defeated. At that point, they would all invariably turn to blood magic and summoned demons to combat the Templars. It was like Kirkwall all over again.

Normally this heedless slaughter and widespread injustice would sicken Hawke to no end. Years ago, she would make every attempt to help whenever she could - both Templar and mage depending on the situation. But she didn't see the point anymore. For the first time in her life, Hawke's mouth remained shut and her blades remained largely sheathed. She ignored them all. Of course there was the occasional bandit or desperate escaped mage that tried to rob her, but Hawke was the Champion for a reason. Her blades sang again to protect herself but otherwise Hawke simply wandered.

Where she was going, Hawke had no idea, but she continued forward. Searching for something that she could not describe. Purpose? Peace? Closure? Happiness? Maybe it was all of these things. Or maybe it was none of them. Whatever it was, Hawke knew she would be sure of what it was she was searching for when she found it.

After roughly two years of traversing the entire width and breadth of the Free Marches, the wanderlust has finally taken Hawke back home. She didn't find all of what she was looking for in the Marches and decided that she was finally ready to come home to Ferelden. It took awhile for her to go back for a reason. She didn't immediately bolt to Ferelden when she left Kirkwall because it was the most obvious place for her to go at the time. Every port on the other side of the Waking Sea would be watched intently for anyone even vaguely matching the Champion's description following Kirkwall's fall. They would drag her back into the fight whether she wanted or not. Hawke did not want to be found. Not yet. She wasn't a Marcher by birth so it was unlikely that she would go deeper into the Free Marches instead of across the sea to Ferelden. It was implausible and absolutely perfect in keeping herself under the radar.

The two years as an aimless drifter did her well as she used the opportunity to slowly work through most of her grief. It was still a work in progress and some days are still better than others but Hawke has learned to deal with the worst of it. The solitude had been good for her as the Champion realized that her self imposed exile was the first time she had truly been alone since...well, ever. Even back to her Lothering days, Hawke rarely had time just for herself as she was always either working, helping her parents or watching over siblings. The same pattern carried over to Kirkwall with the city populace and her companions taking up the vast majority of her time.

Everyone needs some time alone and Hawke had caught up with a lot of time over those two years. For the first time, she got to truly get to know herself, for herself. She was able to take a good long look in the mirror and contemplate what she saw without the pressure of having to conform to preconceptions or expectations. Whether it was being the sole breadwinner in a starving family or the scion of a newly restored but still weak noble house or even being the Champion of Kirkwall, Hawke had always had something to live up to. Her time wandering the Marches let her find herself without the burdens of any of those things. She could simply be Marian for the first time.

If she really thought about it, her journey was very spiritual in nature, though the Maker had nothing to do with it. She believed well enough, but Hawke was not a regular Chantry goer. She always figured that she'd worry about the Maker when it was her time to stand at his side...or at the least take her spot in line next after the millions who died before her. How can everyone stand at the side of the Maker with all who have inhabited Thedas over the millennia, anyway? Illogical...

Okay, so maybe Hawke wasn't the most devout Andrastian, but she could still attest to having a deeply spiritual experience in her wanderings. It brought her a sense of peace she had never known before and allowed her to come to terms with herself and who she was as a person. She understands herself and what she truly stands for now. No one could ever take that knowledge and conviction away from her now that she has found it. No longer will she be manipulated into fitting a mould that she doesn't completely agree with. That was what Anders had very nearly done with her and her natural support of mages. She wanted so desperately to get rid of that edge of melancholy that clung to him at all times that she too often helped when she should have asked more questions. Indirectly, Hawke had become an accessory to Anders' final act of of misguided defiance against her will. Never again will she be manipulated so.

Hawke found her peace of mind in the Free Marches, but her return to Ferelden was now about getting closure with her past. She would visit the location where Lothering once stood and pay her final respects to her father as well as the little hamlet that was. For good or ill, Lothering had been the Hawkes' home for a decade and the Champion hated to say goodbye while fleeing and fighting Darkspawn. Retrieving father's ashes, which had been hastily buried and magically sealed near their home as they were making their escape, and saying a proper farewell to Lothering were the first clear goals that she had set for herself in a long time. Marian Hawke was almost ready to rejoin the rest of the world.

However, for this Hawke felt that she needed company for this task. Not just to actually get father's urn, but because she couldn't do this without the one person left alive who lived this part of her life with her. Hawke had to get her sister. She needed Bethany.

But Bethany is a Grey Warden, bound by a duty more perilous than Hawke could ever imagine. Not to mention that Bethany was one of the many people that the Champion had simply walked out on two years ago. Hawke hadn't spoken to her sister since she left Kirkwall and had no idea how she would react to her presence. She didn't even know if the Wardens would allow her to see Bethany, though she found out her location after months of covert and seemingly innocent inquiries all throughout the Free Marches and the few Ferelden towns she had already passed through.

So as Hawke continued along the ancient Imperial Highway, she found a bounce in her step that she hasn't known for years. That same bounce that was in her when she went into the Deep Roads and when she fought the Arishok. It was full of a purpose and direction that she sorely missed and fueled Hawke as she passed several too slow wagons and continued her march forward. Soon the Champion will have her closure and will finally return to the world at large.

But first, to Ammaranthine and Vigil's Keep.

-o0o-

A/N - Doing a little bit of New Year Cleaning through my files and I found this lovely completed chapter. Being honest, I have no outline or any real plans for this story but this chapter was finished a long time ago and I've been sitting on it for awhile. Not sure if I'll continue it or just let it stand but I liked this so I decided to post it. Maybe I'll continue it if I get some positive feedback or put it up for "adoption," I don't know. Let me know what you think in a review or whatever.


End file.
